Greetings Fellow Parasites;

 

What a completely underated album by a completely underated band... Good old fashioned beautiful rock and roll....

 

It has been an aeon since I last updated, a lot has happened! I have grown and gone through a lot of changes, both mentally and spiritually. Am I still the raging, angst filled 30 something with an axe to grind?! Fuck yeah!! Do I still want to be World President and have complete control of everyone and everything.... FUCK YEAH!!! But, what has changed is how I deal with all of this on the inside, and the insights I have developed in regards to mankind and our parasitic ways...

 

This is just a short hello to all, I am still alive... Still kickin', still crazy... I will be updating soon... Well, sooner than I have been. Just after I go on my spirit walk... Keep your eyes and ears peeled in August... I will have tonnes of new stuff on here around then!!!

 

Til then!

 

Fuck it. I'm done!!!

 

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

Greetings Fellow Parasites,

 

It was 6:19 am, June 2nd, I was coming home after what felt like one of my longest night shifts ever. I did not work particularily hard, and the night went by all right, but after a week off and it being my first night back it seemed to drag on. Never did I think that the rest of the morning would be even longer, it all took an hour, but it is an hour I know that I will not forget anytime soon. I witnessed an accident. A drunk driver, after almost rearending me, did not navigate a curve and my morning was thrust into chaos in a big cloud of dust, motor oil and blood. I will recant what happened now, with a typical rant after..... sit back and envision.

 

As, I was saying, I was driving home on this particular morning and thinking about what I was going to do this afternoon when I got up. The road home goes down into a bit of a ravine, crosses a bridge and goes back up again. This was when I saw him, the driver of a maroon colored sedan. He was coming up on my tail fast and was on my ass in an instant. As we came up the other side of the ravine he slowed down just a tad and then he speeds up almost like the STUPID FUCK is gonna ram me! He gets so close to my back bumper that I lose sight of his headlights entirely. I mean, this guy is fucking close, I don't think you could have fit a dollar bill between our bumpers. We made the top of the hill and as soon as we hit the crest he was gone! Passes me like I was driving the other way. I swore under my breath at the fuck bucket as he sped off into the distance. As he faded off into the horizon I watched as he weaved back and forth in our lane, sometimes crossing the center line a bit, sometime kicking dust up on the shoulder of the road nearly ditching the car........ and then he did.

 

I did not see it all happen, his car left my view because of his excessive speed, but the first person on the scene told me all that had happened. On that road it reaches a tee intersection, but before that intersection there is a sharp turn in the road that goes left, the speed limit goes from 100 km/h to 80 km/h and in the winter time it is always a bad spot when it gets icy. Well, jackoff decides at this moment that he will take a nap. Without even trying to turn, slow down, or anything remotely like trying to navigate a speeding mass of destruction he hits the ditch....... and he hit hard. I saw the dust cloud from a couple of kilometers back, the dust was thrown 50-60 feet in the air. Ball licker hit the ditch, from what I was told, doing at least 140+..... almost twice the posted limit. The front end hit the dirt and the car proceded to flip end over end about four times landing a good 100 yards from where he left the road. Meanwhile, with the booze and speed he completed the Retard Hat Trick by failing to wear his seat belt. During one of his flips he was either thrown through the rear window or passanger side window of the car and flipped along with his vehicle during one or two of his flips, his clothes got caught on the wreckage that was once a motor vehicle and it carried him for a flip before flinging him to the dirt. Car and "driver" roll to a stop........ and neither are in any state to be going anywhere under their own power.

 

From here I sped up to the location, knowing full well what had happened and an inkling as to what I may see at the scene. The first person on scene (Mike is what I'll call him, cuz... well.... that's his name) was already checking out the vehicle as it was smoking a bit from the aerobatics it was forced to endure. Meanwhile a woman (Stacy is what I'll call her, cuz... once again... that's her name) asked if I had a cell phone. Well, stupid me.... I forgot to bring it this day. Someone stops and calls 911 as the three of us check out Jizz Breath, he is unresponsive and is sounding like he is choking. Wait..... NO.... he is not choking..... THE LITTLE RAT BASTARD IS FUCKING SNORING!!!!!! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!! After being bounced around inside his car like a lard bellied pinball and ejected into the air, almost being crushed to death by 4500 pounds of metal and being slammed into the earth...... THE COCK SUCKER IS SOUND ASLEEP, AND REAKING OF BEER!!!!!!

 

Meanwhile, the woman who stops suggests that we roll him over on his side. Well, it has been a few years since I had taken First Aid, and never using it in a situation quite like this, I was confident that we should just let Sleeping Fuck Nut the way he is.... he is breathing normally and not knowing if he had a broken neck or back it was best to leave him there. We start to do a preliminary check to see what some of the obvious injuries might be. Much to our delight (sarcasm folks), the left side of his face and head are bleeding excessively, we are pretty confident that he has at least suffered some sort of fracture to his skull, and his left eye is severly swollen and bloody. Yep, we will leave him lie where he is. In the meantime the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police for those who don't know the acronym) arrive and take over the scene. The female officer, with some coaxing, gets a response from Jerk Wad. Ambulances show up, blah, blah, blah.... Eventually they had him wrapped up on a stretcher and he was airlifted on the spot to the nearest hospital in Edmonton. Myself and Mike are then put into one of the Police Crusiers (man I can remember how much I hated being in the back of those things) and we proceded to give our statements of what happened into a digital recorder. At this point I am more concerned about being eaten alive by mosquitos and contracting West Nile than about what is happening to Shit Munch. All I remember feeling about the whole thing is how I did not have any concern for his well being, I hoped he was in pain, and how FUCKING ANGRY I was at this piece of shit! I fucking despised him, could have cared less and would have felt no remorse if he died on the spot...... one less tainted sperm donor in the world.

 

You see, I could never do the job of Police person, or Ambulance Attendant..... I could not come to a scene and conciously help these kinds of people. I would simply let them die, let them die on the spot so as that they can no longer put other people in harms way. Charging these amoral fuck faces does little to change their ways. Time and time again these "people" repeat the offence. Yes, I know, alcohol and drug addiction is a disease... one of the mind, you don't have to tell me that. Some diseases are better off to let them run their course so as that the effects do not harm others. Knob Gobbler did more than hurt himself when he made the decision to get behind the wheel that morning. He hurt all of us that were involved in the whole ordeal. The results did not just end there for all of us. We had to sit back and watch what was taking place, not being allowed to leave the scene of an "accident" subjects people to things that we are not wired to process. All that morning, as I lay in bed trying to sleep from my night shift, I saw flashes of what my eyes saw..... the car nearly rear ending me..... the swerving back and forth along the road.... the dirt kicking up 50 to 60 feet up in the air..... the mangled face and wreckage of both man and machine, it all stayed with me. Over the past few days I still see it during quiet moments when I allow my mind to wander, every time I drive through that ravine or approach that corner I see the images. I think about the guy that saw it all happen.... the flips in the air that the car took.... the body being tossed out of the acrobatic sedan...... being the only person on the scene wondering what to do and how to get help... wondering how long until someone else will get there to help take the burden of watching over this gut sack. Both of us are changed forever for having witnessed this act of selfish self indulgence.

 

The torment does not end there. Other peoples lives are interupted as well. The hospital now has to slot this useless shit stain ahead of other more worthy people in the emergency room. Doctors and nurses have to attend to the grotesque injuries this man sustained. We have to use valuable resource dollars to patch this thick headed oaf back together, plus all that entails for rehabilitation. Then there is the court costs and time to charge, try and process this cock knocker. Not to mention that myself and the other gentleman will have to appear in court if in the event this Fag decides to contest the charges. The domino affect of this one tragedy does not ever end at the scene.... it goes on for months and even years. He is better off dead, I wish he was.... cruel or not I really don't give to squirts of piss in a rusty bucket..... society is just better off without him. I don't care to know this little bastards name, it is of no interest to me....... to me he will remain nameless, for to name a thing like this means that it exists..... and to me, after what happened.... this "person" does not exist. Once I am all done with the court appearance(s) I hope to wash the memory away....... but the images I am afraid will always be there.

 

So this is why I ask. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE STILL DO THIS????!!!!! I mean for fuck sakes, this is 2007 not 1957!!!! We all know better than to drive drunk. The signs and ads are EVERYWHERE, we are well educated as to why this just should not happen! How many people have to die until we say that enough is enough and we do some real justice on these offenders?! How can a person make the decision to drive home after a night of intense partying....... I mean this guy, and to many countless others actually justify their actions.  I mean Cock Junkie couldn't even stay awake during mid crash..... how fucked up would he have to be to say "Fuck, maybe I'm to fucked up to drive..... I should crash here" Time and time again we see footage on the television and items in the paper where alcohol and/or drugs were a factor in motor vehicle fatalities....... Some day, and soon, we have to just shoot the Testes Tuggers in the fuckin' head if it looks like they will survive the ordeal on their own, and if it looks like they will parish on the spot with no help...... save the bullet and the bandaids because it just isn't worth it. Anyone can try and justify the rights to a fair trial in cases like these, but as far as I am concerned you would have to be just as fucked in the melon to even think of defending these scourges of the road. Until that day comes...... DUI, thanks for the memories...... I hope you never forget.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

Greetings Fellow Parasites,

 

Well folks, here it is.... our back yard. Certainly a beautiful setup and we were most pleased once everything came into full bloom. We have a beautiful cherry tree that exploded with blooms... we are not sure if the cherries are edible or not but we'll see. We also have two lilac bushes that are budding very nicely. We sit on the patio and the whole air has such a soothing perfume to it, it completely takes over your olifactory senses. Enjoy the picks as I gear up for a very personal rant that will come next.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

 

 

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

I figured that to inject some humor onto these dark, dank, sometimes depressing pages, I would enlighten you all in some Guru Shaggy motivational work mottos, these are some of the quips that I usually say at the end of a long shift at the plant and is used to lighten the atmosphere after what may have been a very frustrating and general shitty assed day, if you have a dirty mind.... I am sure you will find some humor in all of this.. I dismissed my other two Spaces as I needed to downsize things a bit due to time constraints..... so everythig that I have to say, will be said here from now on.

 

With that said, I will enlighten you with some of my favorite quips that I a have created, bear in mind these are not in anyway true statements, nor are they set out to offend. Enjoy what I enjoy calling..... Well, as the old lady always says......

 

 

 

........that's the end of a long hard one.

 

........now you can leave me alone, I've done what you paid me to do.

 

.........next time we do something like that, I think I'll stretch first.

 

........how about the next time, I run the tools.

 

........that would have been better if I was still drunk.

 

.......I think we need more hand cream next time.

 

.......if that was supposed to be pleasure..... I'd hate to see pain.

 

.......sometimes gettin' dirty is what it's all about.

 

......that wouldn't have hurt so much if you knew what you were doing.

 

......I think in the future..... we should invite some one else to give us a hand.

 

......good thing I remebered the safe word.

 

......once again, I do all the work, and you stand there not knowing what to do.

 

......wow, that was quick, I hardly felt a thing.

 

......last time I checked, we broke a few laws tonight.

 

Fuck it, I'm done.

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

It has finally started to warm up here in the Northern parts of North America, the trees are budding and the grass is starting to green again. Only a few areas still have snow in them a little closer to the mountains and deep in the bush where the sun has a hard time penetrating......... sorry my mind hit the gutter there for a moment, lol. The standard joke around here was "What the hell do they mean we are suffering from global warming, how about sending some our way.", we were all saying that because of an abmnormally cold and snowy spring. Winter did not seem to want to give up its grasp and die so the area could be reborn. Although many of us fail to realize that even though we had a longer than normal winter, it was actually quite mild temperature wise. Comparing our winters now for the last 10 years and one realizes that it has been more than a decade since we have had ample snow fall and the extreme cold that was once great for snow mobiling and other winter pursuits.

 

Then there is the never ending media coverage about "global warming" and the need to go green. Canada has a new and hip green slogan, FLICK OFF, catchy with its similarity to one of life greatest explatives FUCK OFF. Other parts to the program is Go FLICK YOURSELF as well as other well thought out slogan that gear themselves to getting the next generations on to the global bandwagon. More and more we are seeing the initiatives of our governments turning more towards saving the planet. The US and Canadian governments are stressing the needs to reduce green house gas emissions, the need for alternate fuels and watching the very far North to see what the hell is going on with the polar bears. All winter long I watched the news and countless exposes on the North West Passage and the Arctic regions. Every night on the local news there is the reports on what the Feds are up to to hault global warming and meet there commitment to the Kyoto Accord. It was with all of this heightened media coverage that I begun to wonder........... How much are they really telling us, and what DON'T we know?

 

As it has always been with government, they institute change once it is to late, whether if it is change in spending and the budget, or a piece of legislation geared towards making our lives safer. They usually try to turn the ship around well after it has hit the reef in most regards. They are working hard on it too, even with an oil loving president, the U.S. is pushing hard on the bio-diesel initiatives. I have been getting the sneaking suspicion that we are all already fucked. I get this nagging feeling that it is already to late, the damage is done and to repair the damage done would be a total..... to use a geek term........ format and reinstall of our environment. Personally I think the government, and the people for that matter as we are to blame, are just trying in vain to turn the ship around without actually letting us in the general public know that the end is near, or at least we are in for some big time change and struggle. If any of you have watched movies with the dooms day scenario you will know exactly what I am talking about. Movies like Armageddon, Deep Impact and The Day After Tomorrow all have one common theme, the government was hiding the fact, or couldn't accept the fact that the devestation was near, and to prevent wide spread panic and chaos they held the truth from the people. That is the feeling that I am getting here. Now I don't believe that the end is upon us like in the movies, I think we have more time than a couple of days or months, but I truly do believe that we are fucked.

 

As well, I do not believe that this is going to spell the disaster of the human race and all that lives on our great planet, at least I feel this way if the government is really serious about making change. I do however believe that the easy life, that we as North Americans, Europeans and everyone else in the developed nations have grown to love, is now coming to a close. What we once took for granted is going to be a struggle to maintain, everything that we thought was a right will soon become a costly need. I saw a few reports on the news about Australia, and Kat can atest to this, that the initiatives that the Aussies have put forth to conserve and reuse water are working and necessary to live because of the droughts that they have been having. They are miles ahead of us in preparing for the worst that is yet to come. We will all be fighting the fear and looking back in shame at the signs we ignored earlier when all of the streams start to dry up and our fresh water supply for the interior of the country gets dried up and North America becomes a dry desolate place and agriculture becomes an almost futile endeavour.

 

Does this mean that we should all give up....... HELL NO, we are a species of survival, somewhat selfish in our survival, but we are programmed to survive none the less. Just do what you can to help out the cause, what does it really hurt, replacing light bulbs is something we all have to do, so go energy efficient. Conserving water is a little tougher but it can be done and not all that costly either. Walking, big news flash, is actually good for you, and if you are not going across the city or carrying a butt load of groceries, then walk to your destinations..... hell I don't know one person that couldn't stand to use a little exercise. These are just my views, they could be wrong..... which would shockingly be a first, and it could be that I just have a little to much time on my hands and my mind is playing tricks on me. Whatever the case may be, be cautious of what you hear and always ask........ How much do we really know.

 

Fuck it, I'm done.

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy 

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

It is in the large wake of the tragedy at Virginia Tech that I write this. We all have been bombarded with an overabundance of media clips on the shootings that led to the death of 33 people in a single day, and for this reason I will be brief, for I do not want to dwell on something that the media whores are trying to ring out every last bit of rating before tossing it aside for the next tragedy. I am not going to go on and on about gun control, anyone who has read my previous blogs already knows what my stance is on those instruments of death.... no my focus is on another weapon..... the media.

 

What really burns my fucking backside is that the media is allowed to sensationalize, through constant airing of his photos, the sick fuck that decided to end the lives of his classmates. There is way to much air time taken up by showing his photos, delving into his past, interviewing people who knew him, analyzing why he did what he did. We are making someone famous who does not deserve to be. Sure his fame will be a psycho murderer like none that has been seen in U.S. history, but still he will be famous none the less.

 

We are allowing the media to to air more about the killer than those that were killed. How we can sit back and allow this is beyond my comprehension. Do they think that we, the general public, have the resources or the influence to analyze and bring about a resolve to this incident? That should be purely left to the authorities and the mental health community to make those judgements and recomendations. The only thing we can do is sit back in horror and disgust whenever his name or his photo is brought up. We are not capable of instituting the change that is needed to keep this from happening again, if we did then it would have been stopped  a LONG time ago. Yet still we have to pretend to be closet psychiatrists and wannabe lawmakers while the meida pummels us with things that we cannot or refuse to change.

 

What we should be asking for is a celebration and in depth focus on the lives of those that had been cut short, or taken from us shamelessly and selfishly. We should be putting out focus on these people, telling their stories and seeing how they lived. We should be seeing their life as it was, analyze what their future was going to be like and what they could have offered to society. We should be sharing in the pain of the victims family and friends as told by them, not by sitting and staring at a photo of a mad man.

 

This same madman who achieved his end game simply by the media falling into his hands and succumbing to his will. Now we are seeing and hearing about the manifesto that was sent to NBC and through this he has been further immortalized and his 15 minutes of face time allowed to stretch a little longer. The media should not be allowed to even mutter his name, should not be allowed to even show a photos or artists rendition of this cowardly cock knocker. We should not have to go through the torture of looking at, or hearing the names of these lunatics while the numerous faceless victims lose the most. We should be making those that died famous, their unwilling participation in the events should at least give them their 15 minutes. They are the ones we should remember long after the effect of the tragedy has dwindled.

 

I firmly believe that by bringing these monsters into the spotlight will only strengthen the seed that is planted in all those other sick fucks that are sitting and waiting in the shadows for their turn to inflict pain. These perpatrators should remain faceless and nameless so that those that are planning the same kind of terrorist act would not have an image to worship or a name to chant in a sick blood thirsty mantra.

 

We do not need to hear anymore about the killer, let us focus on the victims. The media should no longer be able to gain form the likes of this monster. They should not be allowed to barrage us with the photos of a madman, and giving those with limited mental health another reason to go out and perform the same act. It is for the prostitution of higher rating that they do these things, and it sickens me that after all is said and done, we will know more about the killer than the victims, and know even less about how to stop this from happening again. Well, we all know how to stop it..... but we are not willing to go there. Well, I have gone on longer than I had wanted. My heart goes out to all those who were affected by this tragedy..... it didn't have to happen. Now leave it be and let the healing begin.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

Well, I am going to start off by saying that this will be my last blog in regards to commenting about someones comment. After this comment I will have no further comment about anothers comment in the comment section. Capiche? Good, well a very interesting question was raised and I think it would be best to quote it "Why do you think that EVERYONE IS A TOTAL IRRESPONSIBLE CRIMINAL MINDED FUCK UP? You seem to describe everyone on the planet as being thus, and I think it's this mindset you have that makes you want to take peoples rights away." So there you have it, that is the question put upon me by someone who is trying at great will to be my moral concience, to steer me in the right direction, and to not be such a hater. This of course could only happen if in fact my morality could be questioned, and believe me I am strong in my moral convictions when it comes to the case of my concience. It is clear and I do not waver one bit in my assessment that this is one fucked up animal that we call man!

 

Unless you just walked out of a fucking cave and haven't been around human civilization for the past, oh, 5000 fucking years, you would have noticed that with each passing decade society and "civilization" as we like to call it is degrading faster than my late Uncle Carl's hairline. We are a creature that has not done once iota of good for the planet. Throughout history all we have managed to do is leave a bigger and bigger hole in the planet. Everywhere you look you will see the mark that man has left behind. This planet is so scarred by our constant pillaging, raping, and mauling. The water that is bringer of all life is drastically becoming undrinkable because of the disgusting amount of fucking pollutants that we dump in the rivers, lakes, streams and oceans. Without the most precious of all resources life on this planet will cease to exist. The further along in this industrial society we get, the more fucked up the water table becomes. How do I know this, because I fucking see it first hand every fucking day when I drive to work! The North Saskatchewan river hosts a plethora of toxic spewing plants that dump this shit in the river but, oh, they "treat it for PH and remove the solids and thermal heat" so that makes it fucking ok! Bull shit! Fucking Bull SHIT! You cannot dump toxic chemicals into an ecosystem at any rate and believe that it is not harming it! But still, we sit and let all that bull shit happen, day in and day out, and poison ourselves, our children, and the other species that rely on the water all because we ALL WANT MORE SHIT!!!! We are destroying the god damn planet because we want our SHIT!! Materialism is destroying our one and only home. I would not feed my own worst enemy the fish that come out of that river! Fish that are supposed to have brilliant colors are WHITE, yes WHITE, and if you have ever seen a dead fish floating in the water, that is the color it takes. But these brilliant sons of bitches are still ALIVE, but no where near looking like they should!

 

Now, you will say, that this is all due to illegal dumping of chemicals. No bloody way, this is all towing the government line on what can be legally dumped into the water ways by regulation standards. These standards are strictly adhered to and the result is still sickening. This is true to my old home in Hinton, the fish there are all fucked up as well....... and the pulp mill is the only one dumping in these parts of the waters for quite a few miles, and I still wouldn't feed my dog a fish from there, and I know from working there, in the very department that monitors the dumping system that they are well within the legal limits!

 

Oh, then I guess there is the other incredibly important resource that is detrimentable to sustainable life as we know it. Air! Yeah, we are pumping more and more carcinogens, sulphates, CO, and other noxious gases into the air every day. With more and more plants coming online to process oil, make plastic do-dads and create electricity, the quality of our air is becoming a grave concern! Screw fucking global warming, if the air gets so fucking thick with other gases we won't be around to fucking enjoy the eternal summers in the yukon! No sir, no beach volley ball in Nunavut for us, because we will all have either died from asphyxiation or been knocked off from disease created by our own GREED! You getting to see the fucking theme here?! Our own GREED is fucking allowing this to all happen! We want our gizmo's, do-dads, thing-a-ma-jigs, and other crap and spare no expense! Even if it means that we kill ourselves and everything else in the process!!! There are places within North America, and in the Eastern countries as well, where the thick noxious clouds blot the sun and cannot been seen for days. Now how the fuck can this bring a rosy outlook on life? Not to mention the birth defects and other inherent chronic problems that occur due to an environment unfit to live. I say again, what gives us the gall to demand rights when we do not demand the simplest of rights for ourselves and our loved ones..... the right of a clean and healthy environment with suitable water to drink and clean air to breathe. We sit back and allow this shit to happen and are not out as a whole community... brothers, sisters, and neighbours, out on the streets protesting the atrocity that is our quality of environment.

 

So, now I have taken care of the environmental bit of my rant......believe me, I could have written alot more, all day in fact, but that would only cause the servers at MSN to start to smoke from overload. What is my next pet peeve about society........ oh, yes, how about substance abuse! That is great way to continue this diatribe of socially moral inequities.

 

Why should I stand uo and back the rights of a society when society can't wake the fuck up and realize that it is in a conflict of interest with it's own preceived rights. I am talking about the smokers. There is always an article in the papers about some new legislation that the puff heads are all pissed about in regards to their filthy, stinking, cancer causing, death cloud habit. WHAT IN GOD'S MARBLE MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU DESERVE THE RIGHT TO FILL MY AIR WITH YOUR NOXIOUS FUMES?!! HOW DARE YOU HOLD MY LUNGS HOSTAGE IN A WAR AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT  AND YOUR SO CALLED RIGHT TO KILL YOURSELF. Listen if you want to fucking kill your self, do it and get it over with, put a bullet in your head or hang yourself, whatever, just do it. Quit complaining that you cannot smoke in public places, because MY RIGHT TO CLEAN AIR SUPERCEDES YOUR RIGHT TO KILLING YOURSELF!!!! Not to mention the fact that the service industry people are suffering right along with their patrons. Yeah, I am calling these Cancer Clowns criminals because they don't have the social decency to see what the fuck their habit does to the other people around them.

 

Don't get me started with the lawsuits against tobacco companies..... These fuck wads actually think that they deserve the right to get a monatary reward for being fucking retards? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT THIS SHIT WILL KILL YOU, WHEN THERE IS BILLBOARDS, COMMERCIALS, AND ADS ALL OVER STATING THAT EXACT FACT???!!!! Greedy criminal fucks! You want money for your own stupidity, and you waste everyones time trying to get it. Wake up you uneducated  idiots. That goes for all the alcoholics dying of liver disease and kidney failure, you rowed the boat, you fucking sink in it. I personally think that the government should ban smoking EVERYWHERE! Yeah, that's right, it is a known fact that suicide is illegal, so why the fuck are we allowing people to kill themselves? The government should outlaw smoking, have the tobacco plants shut down, torn down and turn them into something more useful...... like a hospital. Oh, sure there would be a nation wide smuggling ring that would result, but I really don't fucking care, at least these people would be tarring their lungs in their own homes in the cover of darkness so as not to get caught. At least I will be able to breathe better.

 

Next is all those needle jockeys, and pipe suckers that are destroying their lives, and those of their families by carrying on another dangerous hobby. Drug addicts sicken me, especially in todays day and age. We see the banners, seminars, handouts and plethora of literature everywhere on the bad effects and high addictibility of substance abuse. I can atest to all of this. I have a highly addictive personality, and I once abused drugs and alcohol..... I abused A LOT of different drugs A LOT of the time. For years I never had a sober moment, and you know what..... I just didn't care, I knew all about the ill effects. Now, all of that has changed, and it sickens me to read, and see all that this life style is bringing people. It destroys people, like I said, and yet they have the RIGHT to do this to themselves? More than that, they have the RIGHT TO REFUSE TREATMENT?! This is total and utter bullshit! If someone is ruining their life, and the life of others, and usually commiting crimes to support the habit, then they should forfeit their rights and institutionalized! No ifs ands or buts about it. Keep them in there until it is certain that they can lead a sober life. But NO, we as a society of rights put up with this scourge of man and allow this to continue. We should be lobbying for a change in the system that will put these useless pin cushions away for good, or until they can prove that they won't reoffend.

 

Next let's talk about celebrities. We all have our favorites, the ones that make our danglies tingle, or inspire in us a certain awe in their thespian abilities, or sheer athleticism. This is quite obvious when we pay them MILLIONS OF FUCKING DOLLARS PER YEAR!!!! What kind of society allows people to be paid MILLIONS OF FUCKINIG DOLLARS A YEAR to star in a movie, sing songs on stage, or hit a fucking baseball, and yet teachers and doctors make a small fraction of what these people make. People who shape the minds and lives of ourselves and our children are getting paid a pitance, and doctors..... although they are paid well, are not paid to the same standards as our "idols".... remember what the bible says about worshipping false idols (don't for a moment think I am a religious man, I am just proving a point.) It just sickening, and yes criminal, that we hold a higher regard to being entertained, than we do to getting proper education or health. We sit and shake our heads when we see that the Tiger Woods of the world are getting payed $50 mill to do this, or getting a multi-million endorsement plan there..... and we wish we had the talent to be there too, and yet we shake our heads as well when the teachers go on strike for a little more money. To me, that shit is just ASS BACKWARD and another indicator that we don't deserve what the fuck we got because we are to fucking stupid and/or our values of what is important is shot to shit. Most of these fucking celebs just hoard away the cash and buy more and more houses, cars, shoes, matching out fits for their dogs, jewlery, more cars, more houses....... it sickens me to see that these people, spoiled beyond belief, are flaunting their excess. Mind you, there are the select few, and I will give kudos where kudos is due, that give back to society and will spend untold millions for various causes. These are people, and people that have the right kind of moral fibre, who take their status and try to make a change in the world, a change for the better.

 

Technology, I have always said that it is a blessing and a curse. I have met some of the most wonderful people on the internet, people who I find a lot in common with, who are interesting.... in both good and bad ways. Technology also has its bad sides too, and once again it is all out fault. We are letting technology run our lives. To many times I come home from work and see my kids plugged in playing video games, or doing the exact thing I am doing right now..... which amounts to absolutely nothing. I see on television that the time people spend on line is growing exponentially, Canada has logged the most internet use per capita that anywhere in the world. Our reliance/addiction to technology had caused us to grow fat, lazy and disconnected from our community. Our kids are learning this nasty habit because we are not being diligent enough to kick their little asses out the door to get some exercise.... well not enough anyway. Now days when I FORCE my oldest outside for some freshish air, he whines and moans...... but I force hime none the less. In my day, my parents had to force me INSIDE at the end of the day..... whining and moaning, but I was healthy and trim. Gone are the days when kids played outside from sun up to sundown, playing games their parents played or inventing their own. For the most part because of technology, obesity is rampant, sexual deviancy is on the rise (I'm talking pedophiles here), and the ability to commit crimes such as conning or electronic theft of funds has given the criminals a whole new way to get to their pay day.

 

Well, I am going to wrap this up, I'm getting a little bored and I am suffering from sore wrists from typing to god damn much. I could go on for days and days about the rest of the evils of society. I could write for no end about the murdering, the wars, corruption in ALL politics, racism, genderism, and hypocricy in religion..... not to mention many more if I had the time to sit and think about it. Things that WE ALL HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE, but we choose to just sit and whine about it. We sit and complain but we do not stand up as one united voice across the planet and DEMAND it to stop. Our inaction is criminal and that is why I have that mind set that WE are ALL criminals and don't deserve the rights that we have. Until the day we ALL stand up and force change, end the wars, put the REAL criminals away for good, we will all be just abetting the criminals...... we are all guilty of that, and like I said..... I am a hypocrite because I allow it as well. Now do you see why I have such a disdain for society, and the supposed rights we have...... probably not, and I more than likely justed wasted another solid two hours of my life......

 

The only thing that our rights have given us is the right to bitch about wanting more rights or give us a loop hole to work with to get a little more than we rightfully deserve, well I say take away those rights and start over fresh..... as society PROVES that it is worthy of RIGHTS, then they can get them back...... if one section of society fails in this, then we all don't get our rights, kind of like punishing the class because of the class clown. We act worse than children, and it is time we started being treated this way. Yeah I am bitter, yeah I am angry, and HELL YEAH I am a hypocrite...... I will be the first to admit it. It has been a long while since I have been involved in any sort of protest, or given it my all to help correct the situation, and I deserve the same treatment regardless. It would be a real fucking wake up call for me and that is a fact...... but we all need to wake up, grow up, and have a steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up, so we can listen, see and learn what the hell is REALLY going on outside of the little walls of security that we put up...... ones that have blinded us about what the REAL state of the world is like. To put it all quite bluntly; I FUCKING HATE SOCIETY TO ITS VERY FUCKING CORE!!! But I do, however, really love and enjoy the people stuck in it with me. I have many friends and care for them all deeply, it is the oxymoron of human civilization that I hate. Normally I am a very nice guy, actually pleasant to talk to outside of this blog, my Mom and Dad raised me right and I came from good home and had and still do have a great life. I just see it all slowly crumbling away due to the world's complacency to the ills of mankind. Maybe I do take it a little over the top with these blogs, I will be the first to admit that, it just comes from my personality type..... I say it the way I see it, and I cut all the bullshit! So don't ask such a silly fucking question next time and I won't have to eat a bottle of ibuprofen for the carpal tunnel that I got from typng this. Oh, and if you opened your eyes a little bit....... you would see that I have another site dedicated to the good things that I find for mankind..... yah might want to take off the sun glasses kid, cuz it ain't so bright where yer sittin'. I am just trying to enlighten your souls, pure and simple........ for the good of mankind

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers! 

Guru Shaggy

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

Well there you have it. It seems now that everyone is trying to cash in on the lucrative business of pornography. Blasting through the local news here in Canada is a case in which Telus, our Vancouver based telephone and cellphone carrier, has now launched it's own porn products. Now you can pleasure yourself while driving and it is all comes curtesy of your friendly neighborhood phone service. Now this has been striking quite a controversy; so far since its launch a month ago 135 customers have lodged complaints to Telus with more sure to follow. The spokesman for Telus is unapologetic at this time stating "We can't make adult content go away. It's on your T.V, it's on your home computer, now it's coming to your cellphones" (coming, I wonder if that is tongue in cheek verbage). Well, as far as I am concerned......... download that smut to your hearts content.

 

Yeah, what the hell, why not. I mean come on folks. Pornography has been around for many years. I will admit that as society continues its steady, downward spiral into depravity and degeneration porn has been infused with uglier and uglier content, but that is besides the point. The Telus spokesman is right, with PPV pornography, an absolute staggering amount of clickable, orgasm inspiring, smut on the internet (more than any other kind of page), why not allow the phone companies to start cashing in on our insatiable lust for pleasuring ourselves? To tell you the truth, I can think of many other things that I would rather not have on our portable links to the world. You never hear people up in arms over the violent video games that are available for download and there to play at your leisure. You will never get rid of the adult content in media now, it is so rooted to the core that even a nuclear holocaust won't eraticate it, so might as well join in the fun.

 

We are still just a prudish society that will not let go of its preconceptions that sex is dirty. Well, I'll tell you straight out, sex is only dirty if you want it to be; and if you like it dirty, great, if not..... well don't download it then. Sure, little Johnny is probably going to find a way around the security protocols and download the pics and videos (ranging form $3-$4 by the way), and Mom will be all emberassed when she finds him lubing the llama in the bathroom, but that is just a part of growing up and part of being a parent....... it has for generations, right Dads? Yeah, you know what I am talking about here.

 

The fact is, I would rather little Johnny being able to download a few pictures of his favorite fantasy porn star, than graphic images of death and dismemberment, or the violent games that Mom and Dad seem to not have a problem with him playing until his eyes wig out. Sex is a natural thing that derives great pleasure for those that have it........ as a couple, or alone. The only viable excuse to the issue is the fact that it now gives people an excuse to start beating themselves in public places........ McDonalds, on the freeway, dentist chair, a bah mitzvah, you know..... anywhere one wishes. That can get out of hand, while *ahem* catching them "in hand". Otherwise, as long as it is not interfering with their driving, like I said go ahead and download away.

 

Do I want my kids gaining access, or inadvertantly coming across porn at this age....... no, that is not something I think they are ready to see, and I make sure that they cannot gain access to that sort of thing (although, 10 year olds are pretty smart...... but he assures me he doesn't like girls *or boys* yet). By the time they are old enough to carry their own cell phone, well, then I at least hope I have done my part in teaching them right.

 

As to what kind of content that is available to download, I do not know. I just sure hope that they take a somewhat moral high road to the whole "money in sex" thing, and offer only the most tasteful of pornographic images and videos. I would have to change my whole approach to this subject if there was simulated rape scenes, or sex with animals kind of crap. That shit is fucked up and people who offer that crap are only slightly above the pedophile pushing fucks, which in my opinion....... all those bastards should be sodomized with their own creations.

 

So to all you prudes out there who think that this is all evil and mayhem....... give it a rest, it is just cashing in on our own animal instincts, no different then a food comercial making you hungry...... they are all just playing on our animal needs. That's my stint, now I gotta go, uhmmmmm, answer my cell phone.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

 

Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide.

Hey there fellow parasites,

 

Well slap my ass and call me baby, I am back. Finally, after a month of telephone calls, meetings with schools, runs to the garbage dump and recycling centres.......finally I am done with moving and we are back on track.  It has been way to long since I last updated, but life kind of got in the way. Mind you, when have I really religiously updated these things on a regular basis. Well here is another atempt. This whole idea goes out to MEGABRAD who so generously tried to put me in my place in regards to the "Got Guns?" entry I put up. He babbled something about the constitution, and that is where I would like to take over. So sit back have a rye and coke, joint, jab a vein, or just grab a cup of coffee.... whatever yer posion, and sit and relax to another psychotic, socialist, rambling of mine.

 

What is it folks, 2007? Wow, where does the time go? It seemed just like yesterday that North America was just a couple of fledgling nations trying to rid themselves of a few more indians and importing a few more African Americans to tend to the dails things in life. Back then 39 men, on September 17, 1787, signed a piece of paper that would shape and reshape a nation. That was 220 years ago.... well almost. Since then the constitution has gone through what we will call "ammendments". There have been 27 in fact, and many of those ammendments are long and thorough bits of literature written by men who speak a little funny, some call it legalese.

 

So if the constitution is such a sacred document that people love so much, then why the fuck is there so much white out and eraser marks and other shit stapled to it? Why? I'll surely tell you why (I wouldn't be me if I didn't). It is quite simply because those 39 brave men, no matter how good their intentions, got it DEAD wrong! These men, with no blame upon them, were naive souls who dreamed of a united and strong nation, without fear of government and invading forces, without fear from themselves. It is not their fault that the very nation that they helped to form would use this document to their own greedy, twisted little needs. These men never knew that the enemy that they really had to worry about was the enemy that would walk among them, their very own people.

 

You see, it is a common known fact that the human condition is set on self preservation, but with a high intellect and zero common sense or fore thought, we manipulate, scheme and devise plans to circumvent the systems to achieve our own agenda and that agenda being..... staying alive another day.  The constitution has been interpretted by many individuals in ways that may benefit themselves, but not the nation as a whole. Their interpretations allow hate speech on the street, and in the media, it allows any jackass with a few bucks to buy arms for the simple fact that they can..... and really shouldn't. You can buy weapons that have absolutely no other use than to kill their fellow man. If this was supposed to be such a great nation, then why do you need such weapons? Then there is the other addition to the bill of rights; the people have rights other than those mentioned in the constitution, any power not given to the Federal Government by the constitution is a power of either the state or the people. WOW, what a tidy little loop hole in a document that is so revered! Kind of makes all that those 39 men put their hearts into a big piece of scratch paper. You really don't need that flimsy, dog eared chunk of pulp anymore now do you?

 

There you go, another example of how man kind cannot GROW UP, and take their rules like adults. If they don't like something, or think it's "not fair"... they kick and scream and whine like little two year olds until they get their way. Even if what they ask for lessens the power to protect them from others. We are our own worst enemy, we want what we want, but if it comes and bites us in the ass we are to stupid to realize that we are only getting what we asked for in the first place. Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it. What needs to be done is to wipe the slate clean. Start out with a whole new Constitution, written by the people for the people with ALL of the people in mind. Write it so that their is no room for error in how it should be interpretted, or what its intent is. Draw up a document that may take away the perceived rights of a minor amount of people and ensure that the right to live in peace and without fear of being a victim by the very constitution itself. To create a nation that will not allow any individual or group to abuse the founding principles of that nation. Now, if you can get that all down in writing, then you are on the right track........ firing all the Skin heads, gangsters, lawyers, politicians and gun nuts into the fucking ocean with an over sized potato gun would be a better step, and yeah Charleton Heston and Ted Nudgent are on that list as well.

 

So in theory, the Constitution was a brilliant effort to set up a nation with rights and freedoms, to make a home feel safe and sound, to bring about a feeling of togetherness and that every person has the right to live. Their only fault was in thinking that the people would accept it, as is, and wouldn't fuck with it. Further to their naivity (can't spell, so shoot me) is that the people would not sink deeper into their own depravity andneed other ammendments to save them from themselves. In the end, all The U.S. Constitution is (and Canada's too) is an archaic scribbling drawn up by dreamers and fools, and we need to start out at square one. When you people can wake up and see what the fuck is going on, you will realize that you are simply slipping and sliding towards an entire civil breakdown, and until you can grow up and accept that you may not have certain rights, you will keep on sliding. Do we allow our children to fuck with our rules, do we allow our children to manipulate and misinterpret our rules. NO, we do not! If those rules are not clear enough, we rewrite them until they are clear. The Constitution should be no different, it should be written like a set of rules for children, for that is in fact how we act most often.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

 

Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide

Greetings fellow Parasites,

 

I feel like I have to talk about this, as it seems to becoming an increasingly disturbing trend. The topic is about guns, and you know what...... contrary to what some may say......... guns DO kill people. Yup, shocking ain't it. Those gun toting jack asses in the NRA can say all they want about it needing a person to shoot the gun for it to kill someone, but in actual fact if you left a gun on the table....... eventually the gun is gonna kill someone, because someone just crazy enough to use it..... WILL. If there was no gun there, then the gun CANNOT kill someone. Pure and simple as that.

 

Now, all this stems from the recent killings...... you know, the ones that involved those poor little Amish girls in their school. Some sick twisted MOTHER FUCKER cornered these poor innocent (and how much more innocent than the AMISH?) little girls in their school house and shot them exectution style, and then turned the gun on himself. All because he wanted to get revenge on girls, because he got hurt as a kid by some chick. You fucking cowardly little shit bag! That sociopathic nut job should have skipped parts A and B of his plan and gone straight to part C, blow his fucking head off first. Man, I could not fucking believe that shit when I heard it, I mean..... if those kids weren't safe..... whose kids are? Mind you, I can see the logistics of it, what better place than a school that is about as technologically adavanced as the one I saw on "Little House on the Prairie" as a kid, and NO police presence either. Still, it makes a parent wonder.

 

Now this is where I segue into gun control. Bare in mind here, I am a hunter, I love hunting and will not give it up, but we are in some desperate need of gun control here in Western Civilization, namely when it comes to hand guns. Hand guns serve no other purpose than to kill PEOPLE...... sure there are a select few Yahoos that chose to hunt with them, but that is not what their intentions were for. Hand guns have been, and always will be an apparatus for killing our fellow man, and frankly I believe that ALL hand guns should be destroyed, including those held by law enforcement...... they are simply not needed.

 

You can throw all that "Right to Bare Arms!!!" ammendment bullshit into the fire with the fucking guns as well while you are at it. Why the fuck should you have the right to bear arms? Really, you should have the right to own a device that will kill another human being? Really? You aren't jokin are you? You Fucking Retard! What the fuck makes you so fucking special dick wad, that makes you think you have the right to own something that may be needed to kill another person?! You aren't fucking special and you really are fucked in the gourde if you think you are that god damn special!

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah...... I hear your gums flappin' but there is just more shit flying. "Well, knives kill people too! Should they ban those too, smart guy?". No they shouldn't you redneck fuck! When was the last time someone went on a massive killing spree inside a school or a mall with a knife...... those cases are very, very few and far between, but there are more and more cases of psycho fucks blasting off rounds in schools all the time. You know what, base ball bats and fire pokers kill people too, but come on.... it isn't an epidemic like the hand guns. So give yer head a shake, guns have a higher potential of mass murders than any other conventional weapon. End of point!

 

Now, you may wonder about long rifles...... what are my views on those. Well, I thought long and hard about that one...... considering that I own several. You know what, just to make it fair..... we should ban those puppies too. They are no different than any other fire arm when you sit right down and think. Especially the semi-automatic rifles, no difference at all. Now as a hunter that has really got to say something. But I truly think that if a man was that big into hunting, and all of its benefits, one could give up his arms (guns that is, not real arms, Duh!), and still hunt, mind you it would make it a whole lot more challenging. If you really and truly wanted to hunt, then there is always the option of Bowhunting...... a much more challenging form of the sport that is for sure, and hell, it would give the game animals more of a chance of survival as well.

 

So there you have it folks, my views on gun control........ just fucking get rid of the god damn things and be done with it! They are one of a long list of disturbing instruments of death that serve no other purpose. Definetly not a high light of human ingenuity and progress that we can be proud of, and how many more people need to die for us to see that there existence is not needed.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

Greetings fellow Parasites,

 

Well to continue on with the theme of dangerous drivers and methamphetamine, I would like to recount a little story that I read in the newspaper the other day. It appears that nearly two years ago 2 teens while on the influence of meth aka SPEED were SPEEDING down a highway. During this time they swerved and pushed a man off the road, across a median and smack dab into the path of an oncoming semi truck and trailer unit. The man, a father of 3, was killed instantly. This is a road that the man had travelled to work for many years. That day, sadly, his life was taken because of these joyriding pipe smokin' fucks!

 

It took until now to get the whole trial over and done with. All this time the family has been sitting and waiting for justice to be served, the whole while...... these shit bag, dong jockies have been out on the streets. In the beginning the driver was charged with dangerous driving causing death, and impaired driving. IN THE END ALL HE GOT WAS A DANGEROUS DRIVING CHARGE!!!! Now how in fucking God's Green Earth is this FUCKING JUSTICE?!!! How can one person kill another person, knowing full well that the acts that they are partaking in are dangerous and could very easily result in death?! How is justice served here? The little junkie got off with a slap on the wrist because the crown could not prove within a reasonable doubt that the little criminal bastard was the one controlling the wheel!!! WHO THE FUCK ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN??!!!!!

 

This is just ludicrous people! How can anyone put up with this garbage is beyond me. Why isn't there riots in the streets? This little shit monger should be dead, D E A D, dead. No more meth for you fuck face!! They should have both been led into the ditch and fucking shot right on the spot. BANG, dead junkie, BANG BANG, two dead junkies.... then you let the fucking coyotes have at them..... if even those scavangers will even have anything to do with those wastes of flesh.

 

The time for coddling these little degenerates has got to end. This does not teach them a god damn thing, a little bit of "my buddy got shot on the side of the highway for killing someone" might. If these are things that jacked up drug users are going to do.... regardless of their age...... then they should get the full brunt of what I call REAL Justice. Little criminal bastards are being let off with minimal jail time and a few years of probation. In todays day and age, with the mountain of exposure of how bad these drugs can be, NO ONE should be doing it..... and if they are, then they DO NOT DESERVE TO FUCKING LIVE!!! You are no longer a productive member of society, you are nothing but death waiting to happen, and you should be put to death before you take some one else down with you.

 

That is what pisses me off about the judicial system. You get a high priced lawyer... you find some little loop hole and you are gone. All a lawyer should be able to do is plead your case..... NOT GET YOU A LESSER CHARGE!!! If you are totally one hundred percent innocent, then yes you should be able to get off..... and sorry for the inconvenience. But if it obvious, as in this case, that you are guilty. YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR FUCKING ASS HANDED TO YOU!!!! THE HARSHEST PENALTY THAT IS APPLICABLE TO THE CHARGE!!!! Pleading down, or reducing the charge is FUCKING HORSE SHIT!! This pisses me off and I am sure a large amount of other people too, so why is it being done? For one it is because the court system is overloaded with cases........ and it is the fucking lawyers fault. They frag these proceedings on and on and on, hoping to get thrown out for taking so long or that they can eventually get a plea because of the time it is taking. Fucking lawyers need to be taken down a notch! They should be jailed themselves for abusing the system like this. It is nothing but shady business and this shit has got to stop..... we need Judge Judy to come through and do a whole shit load of spring cleaning...... sans lawyers, and maybe get caught up and get some real justice done.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

 

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

That is right, I am back on the campaign trail once again! I have started yet another Space, just a reiteration of an old theme. It is my solemn tribute to those that died tragically 5 years ago today. Some may think this as a tacky, uncompassionate (is that a word?), response to a history altering event. I say bull shit, we need to rethink our existence and the path that man kind has chosen........ and by announcing me, Guru Shaggy, as World President is a step in the right direction to saving ourselves, and our planet. Let us honour the fallen in a tribute that really speaks volumes..... lay down your weapons and halt the global economic regime and move towards the betterment of ALL mankind.

 

So drop by and check it out if you would...... Guru Shaggy's quest for World President........... once again.

 

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Spiritual ass kicker of souls

ans W.P. hopeful

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

It is almost 5 years ago that the tragic events at the World Trade Centers changed the world, especially for those of us that live in free nations. It has caused wave after wave of conspiracy theories, incompetence, neurotic leadership, controversy, and hatred. Suspicions and judegement are sending is back in the evolution of human societal growth and thw world stage is a smoky, crater riddled set.

 

In tribute and to honour, or some may think dishonour, those that unwillingly and willingly gave their lives on that day...... and all those days since, I am going to unveil something on September 11th. In true Guru Shaggy style, it will push for answers, look for resolve, and offer solutions....... in as crude and rude style as to infuriate my Mother with the language, but a reaction that is as powerful as the subject at hand. Come back here on 9/11 to see what will be unveilled. I hope not to disappoint, some things are better left dead...... but somethings refuse to die! (that's a hint folks!).

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

I am coming to you here through my R.O.F (Remote Operating Facility), also known as Henri's house. It's been awhile, as usual, and this is not going to change anytime soon it seems. Life is still tipped on its head and it is getting a little frustrating. Which brings me to my latest rant, the title is a little misleading, no it is not about the boondoggles of the American war on Iraq, the debauchery that is killing our Canadian soldiers in Afhanistan, or the fact that Korea is nearly successful as a Nuclear Power. No this one hits a little closer to home, and many of you can relate to this in one form or another. The Hypocrites with Weapons of Mass Destruction are the JACK ASSES ON THE FUCKING ROAD BENT ON MAKING ME EAT MY FUCKING DASHBOARD!!!!! SLOW THE FUCK DOWN YOU DALE EARNHARDT WANNA BE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yeah that's right, this rant is about the legions of kamikazee drivers that are on out streets and highways right now, putting your, my, and out loved ones lives in peril each and every day we brave the roads. I have been doing a lot of travelling as a lot of you know. On a given week I put on well over 1000 km's of travel time and I see it everywhere. No matter what street, highway, alley, dirt road, trail, yak crossing or snail trail I travel down there have been at least 50 or more suicide commuters trying to plant their bumpers firmly in my ass!!! I am bloody sick of it too!! These jack asses seems to be always in a hurry, how about some fucking classes in time management you ass munches....... ever hear of leaving a few minutes earlier to your yogurt eating Pilate classes? No wonder road rage is so prominent now days, people manage their time about as well as they manage their cheque books and people are dying on our roads everyday because of it!

 

To make my point I started keeping a mental note of the amount of traffic that passed me on my way to and from work each day as I set my cruise as close to the speed limit as possible, and estimated about how fast these vehicles were travelling. I was shocked and appalled by the results. In one day to work, which by the way is aprox. 35 minutes away from the plant and down 2 highways, I had 47 rocketing road runners pass by me anywhere from 120-150 km/hr. Now the speed limit is 100 km/hr. on these highways. Now I am no mathamagician but when I calculate all of this out, these Nimrods are not saving much time when you weigh in how dangerous excessive speeds are. If you were travelling 20 km/hr over the speed limit that would save you 5.3 minutes every half hour of travel time as compared to driving the speed limit........ well don't fucking stop at Tim Horton's on your fucking way and you can save that time. If you travel at 30 km/hr over the speed limit you are saving 8.2 minutes.......... well save picking up your dry cleaning until another day and you'll get there on time. At 40 km/hr over the posted limit you can take off 11.2 minutes off your travel time......... well, watch your fucking reruns of Desperate House Wives when you have no where to go that day!!! Wow! At 50 km/hr. there is a big whopping savings of 14.1 minutes!!!! Well holy shit!!! That'll give you so much more time to jack off in the parking lot before you have to go through the gate and go to work!!!! Good for you!!! On the return trips back home I did the same test and in 3.5 hours, 112 vehicles passed by me. Some of them I wouldn't even hazard a guess at how fast they were travelling. It doesn't matter what time of day I am trying to get home or to work, in the dark of night people are screaming along at a rate well above what is legal, and logical!!!

 

These jerk wads have to ask themselves one question. Will saving you anywheres from 5 to 15 minutes on your travel time worth an eternity of being dead???!!!!! Because that is the risk you take each and every day you chose to break the law!! Not only that, you run the risk of destroying someone elses family by your retarded feats of daring by forcing your gas guzzling domestic racers through some poor unsupecting travellers tail pipe!!! I don't think it is, the data that I was able to pull reached as far as 200-2001 but it still paints a grim oicture of what I am witnessing every day. I am cutting and pasting the data here to prove the point. It is from the transport Canada web site............

There were 2,778 deaths due to motor vehicle traffic collisions in the year 2001 - a rate of 8.9 deaths per 100,000 population.^1,2 In 2000-2001 there were 24,403 hospital admissions for traffic-related injuries, corresponding to a rate of 79 hospitalizations per 100,000 population.³ Many victims are young and traffic collisions are a leading cause of premature death and long term disability.

Since Canada has one of the highest per capita vehicle ownership rates in the world, it is not surprising that vehicle occupants account for approximately three quarters of all road users killed and seriously injured each year. The remaining victims are vulnerable road users: pedestrians, motorcyclists and bicyclists.¹ When health care costs, property losses and other factors are considered, the economic cost of traffic collisions to Canadians is as high as $25 billion annually.

Now those numbers may not be a lot. BUT MOST, IF NOT ALL, COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED!!!!! Yes I know that not all were attributed to speed, but you know what, I bet the vast majority of them were cruising above the limit....... and I am betting that a large precentage could be attributed to this factor....... ahhhhhh fuck it, here is the supporting text taken from the same page...........

Other factors often associated with fatalities are single-vehicle crashes on undivided rural roads, drinking and driving, and non-use of seat belts often resulting in ejection (see Figure 3). Approximately 40% of all fatally injured occupants are unrestrained and, of these, almost half are ejected from their vehicles.⁵ Alcohol and excessive speed are recognized as important contributing factors in many collisions and emerging factors such as driver distraction (e.g., use of cellular telephones) are also of concern. Canadian road users also face increased risks associated with driver fatigue and winter road conditions. Multiple risk factors are simultaneously in play in many fatal traffic collisions.

Now if you notice there near the end where it says "Alcohol and excessive speed are recognized as important contibuting....." blah blah...." AND EMERGONG FACTORS SUCH AS DRIVER DISTRACTION (e.g., USE OF CELLULAR TELEPHONES) ARE ALSO A CONCERN. Your damn fucking right they are a concern, which brings me to what happened 2 weeks ago when I was coming back to the Edmonton area to go to work. I am on highway 16 which is a 4 lane highway splitting Alberta almost in half, North to South, and a major link to the transportation of goods all through ALberta and the rest of Canada. Needless to say that there is a large amount of heavy traffic on thses roads, big rigs with heavy loads full of the good shit that we all love to have. I am, as I mentioned before, doing the speed limit which is 110 km/hr on this highway. I come up behind this big semi truck that is struggling it's big load up a hill...... I shoulder check, and check my mirrors and there is an SUV way off behind me..... good, I have the room and time...... I pull out to pass, and as I get about halfway passed the truck I check my mirror..... and a good thing I did. HERE IS THE CRAZY MOTHER FUCKIN JACK ASS COCK SUCKIN GOAT THRILLIN SHIT BAG SUN OF A BITCH RIGHT BEHIND ME. He must be doing at least 160+ km/hr. and he IS TALKING ON HIS FUCKING CELL PHONE. Now I know this Fuck Wad doesn't see me, I pin the accelerator to the floor..... cut the semi truck off and the jack ass wizzes by. When I looked back just before I cut off the truck I could no longer see the speeding box of yakkin death metals head lights....... all I saw was grill!!!!! He never once gave any indication that he knew I was there. My heart thumping in my chest as I nearly avoided death I pulled over at the next stop to regain my composure. That is right, the Guru Shaggy you all have grown to know and love almost got killed by some idiot on a cell phone!!!!

 Most people say that they are in control of their vehicles at this speed and I say BULL SHIT!!! I have one simple test for these nut suckers...... as those words come out their mouth........ you bitch slap them right there, and then you ask "Did you see that comin' BITCH?!!" Now, if they aren't kickin the shit out of you right there and then, simply point out the fact that that is how long it takes for an accident to happen. That's right, as long as it takes for me to slap you a new shade....... you could be dead in a pool of motor oil and blood in the middle of the road. Actually that should be a demonstration at all Safe Driving course, that might change the out look of things for some up and coming new driver. You might not forget that lesson for awhile.

Now it is not only the young punks with the souped up cars that are constantly trying to get to hell as fast as they can. The offenders are from a broad range of ages. From what I could see there was a real even amount of people speeding from all sorts of age groups. I am emberassed to even print how many old ladies have given me the finger for obeying the law. It is sad really, imagine your own Grandmother flippin' someone the bird for doing something right? Not a pretty picture is it?

Now, for the hypocritical portion of this rant..... this one is getting long, I apologize, but I needed this rant to clear my head. I remember seeing all the time as a kid, these "NO Skateboarding or Rollerblading" signs all around, at the malls, libraries and public places. These were because of the vast amount of complaints from the citizens that "These crazy kids are travelling at break neck speeds on these things and are going to kill someone!!" So, the shop owners and city councils have had to put up these signs to protect the public. Which I agree now, not so much when I used to skateboard, that this is in the interest of safety, skating can be a dangerous pursuit so it should be limited to where it can be done, for the good of all. Then these heiny pumpers get into there cars and drive as fast as they fucking can to get home at speeds far greater than that of a piece of ply-wood on 3" wheels. A good number of cities and towns have gone a step further. They have erected entire structures dedicated to the pursuit of rad boarding, biking, and roller blading. Skate parks are becoming quite common in today's communities. It provides our kids with a safe place to practice and hone there skills in these sports, away from the general public to keep them all safe. Well, you know what, there are places for those 9-5er's that want to burn some rubber. IT IS CALLED A RACE TRACK!!!! If these people have such a need for speed, take it onto the track..... it is a perfect venue for getting the lead out and feeling the power of a good fast engine. Just keep it on the track, that is all I ask..........oh, and give yourself plenty of time to get there, I wouldn't want to have to bitch slap you!

Fuck it, I'm done!

Cheers!
Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kickin Guide

P.S. Don't forget to visit my other space for some lighter topic fun..... the link is up at the top.

Greetings fellow parasites;

 Man, I tell you folks, amidst my life of chaos I have been just fuckin' itching to rant. It has been so very long and the contempt has just been oozing from my pores. I have not had a chance to sit infront of the computer for more than five minutes in the last two months, so updating is near impossible. For this I apologize. Through the miracle of technology I am getting this all out of my system on my PDA and will pop it online once I get home. Now...... for some oral therapy (those of you with dirty minds, keep on smilin' ya pervs)....... it is time to rant.

 NEWS, a source, whether it be on TV, in the paper, or online, for keeping in touch with the goings on in this putrid time of excess, debauchery, scandal, and war. The latter is what I want to clear up here. You can't help but feel bombarded with images, sound bites, and a virtual slew of articles on what is happening in Lebanon. Isreal is setting the stage for big time news coverage. From the innocent civilians being rained on by heavy artilary, to the ''Canadians'' stranded and looking for a ride to safety. Frankly I want it off of my fucking television, out of the fuckin' papers, and out of my fuckin' sight!!!!!

 I have one, very easy to understand, set of instructons for the whole lot of 'em. GROW    THE FUCK    UP!!!!!  When in the hell are these fucking sand eaters going to realize that no matter how many of each other they kill, they will never agree on anything. Like rival bullies fighting over the same corner of the sandbox in a fucking pathetic game of missile toss. Even shittier is the fact that these cock jockies have got the aim of a blind pitcher with vertigo. They hit more civillian targets than militarial. Now, from the latest reports, the Israelis have totally fucked hundreds of miles of coastal waters from hitting a plant and spilling hundreds of thousands of gallons of fuel oil into the waters thus totally throwing a fuck into the entire eco-system there. So I say again "GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!!!" before it is to late, if it isn't already.

You know what is most pathetic about this whole eternal shit storm? It's the fact that we sit in front of the old idiot box at news time to hear more and more and more about this bastardized version of explosive badminton. Frankly I am getting rather bored and descensitized over all this middle east shit. What's more is the fucking recaps of the same exact chunk of useless dune being bombed last week.

As far as I am concerned we should pull all of the journalists out of this area and never return. As well as all the foreign troops, and UN personnel, put up a huge fucking ENTER AT OWN RISK!! sign annd let them bomb the shit out of themselves in peace with no more outside disturbances. When the smoke clears and one side has finally won then they get the big gold plated champion belt like you see in ''professional'' wrestling and then send them back into their golfers nightmare of a sand trap to gloat for eternity that their god is the bestest.

Well what about all the poor foreigners trapped there you may ask? Your fellow Canadians are there you know, you may rebut. OK, A) Those are not real Canadians and B) the few real Canadians that are there for some retarded reason or another should have known of the risk when entering the area.

The term Canadians by Convenience is a term that I have been hearing a lot about lately and I whole heartedly agree with this statement. Those 40 odd thousand "Canadians" trapped in Lebanon screaming for help have made a choice. They came to Canada, and for reasons unknown to me, have decided to move back to Lebanon, thus holding dual citizenships. Now it doesn't take more brains than a monkey with a short attention span chewing on a fly swatter to know that this a volatile area of the world. ESPECIALLY IF YOU WERE FUCKING BORN AND RAISED THERE, OR HAVE FAMILY THERE!!! So when the bombs start a fallin' why is it a big fucking surprise? It's kind of like being in the woods, chances are you are going to meet up with a bear, and that is the choice you make with an educated risk. These idiots knew the risk and chose to accept them by entering "the woods" (aka Lebanon).

Now they are crying out for Canada to come save them. They are Canadians after all! Yeah about as Canadian as I am Politically Correct!!!!! Fuck you, suck my fuckin dick you jack asses, start fuckin hoofin it to the border and pay for your own fucking flight back here. Why the fuck should we shell out millions of our tax money to extract your stupid asses? Especialy since a lot of you haven't contributed a fucking red cent since you left years ago!!!!! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!! You made an adult choice and now take the results like an adult. Don't come crying to us like a fucking lost child when you get stranded in the midst of all the chaos. 

The balls of some of these sand jockies, blaming us and critisizing us for not rescuing you fast enough!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!! COCK ROCKERS!!!! You are just fucking lucky that we picked up the phone to answer your cry for help. I would have laughed at your asses if it was me in charge. I'm not racist one bit, so don't even go there. There are stupid people in all races..... and it is those stupid shit bags that I am referring to. Those innocent ones that have chosen to live in those parts of the world amid all the war do have it rough and I do feel sorry for them that there leaders are homicidal, suicidal, psychopathic, sociopaths. Those that returned there, well....... those fucking idiots are deserving everything that is happening to them!!!! 

What I would like to know is how much money in aid we will have to give to our "fellow Canadians" to get their lives back on track here in Canada. You just fucking wait to, once all this fucking drama is fucking over with, and all the dust is settled, once the rest if the world has helped rebuild this war torn wasteland, most of these fuckers are going to catch the first flight back there. Then coming full circle in fucking us up the ass. 

FUCK IT, I'M DONE!!!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Your spiritual ass kicker of souls

Hello fellow parasites,

 

Sorry for the long time with no post but I have started a new job, put my house up for sale and am looking for a new house to maybe call home. Although home is always near my mountains and I am moving to the prairies so it isn't going to be home like this. Anyhow, I just wanted to put something down here and apologize for my absence. I will probably try to post more often with my spare time in a motel and my handy dandy PDA to tinker with. But for now, here is a little bit that I wrote the last time I was in the Red(neck)water Motel, it isn't a jab at the rest of the world, just a taste of what life is like right now........ so enjoy, or not, because I gots nothin else at the moment.

 

Holy crap in a salt shaker, I am bloody well sick and tired of all this trying to move and get the house ready to sell BULLSHIT!!! It has been a month today since I started my new job and I have yet to have had a chance to sit back, relax with a nice cold bottle of Canadian and just fucking chill.

My life is in a bloody twisted spiral of shit that I am doing, shit that needs to been done, and shit that will still need to be done!!! I just want to fucking drop all of it, fuck off into the bush, sit under a god damn tree and then scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out from sheer exhaustion and fall to the ground unable to speak or move...... then fall into a blissful coma for about three weeks and try to then re-enter society.

Don't get me wrong, once all of this is over and behind us, things will be great. Couldn't ask for a better job, in a better location, and a better possible future. It is just that I would like to take a break from work and trying to get the house ready to sell. Well it is already up for sale but shit still needs to be done. Little things that were on my to do list but need to be done, not now, but RIGHT FUCKING NOW in order for it to show properly.

So, if life doesn't start to slow down a bit, I will be taking a break, you will find my ass in the puzzle factory......... I'll be the corner guy, rocking back and forth to some unheard rythm, babbling incoherently into a ball of packing tape and drooling from the corner of my mouth.

So if you need anything from me from now until I get my life packed and unpacked...... you're on my list........... right behind the guy that wants me dead.

Cheers!
Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide

Hello fellow parasites,

 

Yeah it's been awhile, no surprise there. I feel no need to apologize, considering I have been far to busy worrying about LIFE, yeah, I gots one and it has really been taking up most of my time. I am starting a new job on Monday. The new job is about 4 hours away from this little shit town by my Rocky Mountains, so far away that it is in the flat land farm country. That is a far cry from the views I have been enjoying for the past 33 years. So, yeah, it looks like the Guru Shaggy clan is moving, and with that comes NO TIME FOR ANYTHING!!!!! Well, I guess it is time to rant. It took me awhile to find something to rant about, but in the end I figure that I'd pick on that group of people who have got to be societies dumbest.......... THE METHAMPHETAMINE USER.

 

I have never in all my life seen such a drug pandamic as what has been sweeping across Alberta, that would be the Meth pandemic. Let's take a look at the kind of person who uses Meth. I personally think they can fall into one of four categories 1: Those dumb asses who think they have control over addictive substances 2: Those jack asses who can't FUCKING READ 3: Those who have been living in a crack house without T.V. and finally 4: Air wasters who fall into one or more of the above categories. I mean come on people, WAKE THE FUCK UP! Anyone that can pick up a news paper, watch the T.V. commercials or know anything at all about the addictiveness of this poison has got to be an absolute fucking moron

 

Do these fucking retards actually think that they are SO in control that they can mess with a substance so powerful that addiction occurs so easily and so fast. Some get addictive after the first or the second hit and never get off of the stuff. How one can willingly put the most harshest of chemicals into their bodies knowing full well that this shit IS going to kill them sooner rather than later is beyond my comprehension.

 

Now don't give me this shit about troubled homes, abusive or uncaring parents. It is not a valid bloody excuse! Choose another god damn drug to use to get that good time feeling. I mean really, who the hell wants to stay up for days and days on end, not eating or drinking or bathing. It's a bloody fucking waste of a great pass time, that pass time being sleep. This drug appears to be the "in" drug of choice for many people, not just teens, adults have used and abused this horrific substance as well. Losing their jobs because they no longer have the desire to work, and when they lose their jobs they turn to thievery to support their nasty little habit. Mind you, I really don't give two squirts of piss in a rusty bucket how old you are. If you have any god damn common sense, you would stay away from this shit. It is far more harmful than heroin, crack, cocaine; more addictive than the others and is easier to produce and distribute than any other drug.

 

Even the ingredients themselves should give you a clue as to what it might do to your body:

 

Psudoephedrine- by itself, not so bad, it gives you a good pick me up in the energy reserves for an hour. Has been proven though that it can cause heart attacks.

 

Iodine crystals- great for when you skinned your knee as a kid, stung like hell. Just think about what it can do to your soft tissues inside your body.

 

Red Phospherous- this is the shit that match book covers have to light matches. When heated the fumes from this substance are extremely toxic, along the same lines as it's cousin Whit Phospherous (from which the red is derived from).

 

Muriatic Acid- Hmmm, I recognize this one from the pulp mill. We acid wash our process piping with this shit. Ok this is a chemical that eats things......... nuff said.

 

Acetone- MMmmmm another tasty little toxic chemical to put in your lungs or veins, although you should be wearing gloves to handle it.

 

Methanol- Wow, the list of kick ass chemicals just keeps getting better and better. As little as 4 millilitres can cause blindness, as well as methanol poisoning.

 

Red Devil Lye- Now lye is extremely poisonous as well as a very powerful drain cleaner. So what the fuck..... might as well make a drug out of it hey?

 

So there you go folks. I do not feel sorry for any new Methamphetamine addicts. These dunderheads bring it upon themselves. With the vast amount ot knowledge of this illicit killer, anyone trying it now is stupid and deserves to die...... hopefully before they steal my DVD player for their next hit. Do yourselves a favour, jump off a fucking bridge and save your selves the agony of getting off/on/off/on/off the stuff. I have seen many people try the rehab thing and only but an elite few, and I mean very few, who have kicked this habit. Good for them, the rest..... just die already so we can get to the Dateline special about your pathetic little life.

 

Now, you can insert alot of drugs, legal and illegal into this blog. But from what I have seen and read, this is by far the worst yet. I have tried many, many, many drugs in my time..... I was one of the lucky ones when it came to Meth. I tried it once or twice (before it's effects were widely publisized, I'm a hypocrite, just not right now), and I never liked it. Hell I like sleep to much to get into that. But as I said, I have tried, and rather enjoyed, many drugs. My favourites always being; LSD and Mushrooms. I think drug curiousity should be experimented, but with each experiment go into it with some common fucking sense and a little back gorund knowledge of the shit you are going to put into your body.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

But before I forget, check out my other space if you want a more upbeat blog at www.spaces.msn.com/gurushaggyinbalance

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Your Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

 Hello fellow parasites,

 

Yes, I know it has been awhile since I have updated this blog. I was actually on a good run there for awhile, posting more often than my usual 16 days. Well that kind of fell off to the way side. See, I have a nasty habit called "work"..... I am trying to quit. We had our annual shut down this month and I was put on straight day shifts (Fuck I hate day shift), and as well was forced to work overtime. Hmmmmmm..... we are being downsized and all of a sudden they want us all to be there, at their beck and call and we are expected to be happy about this! Ha, fuck you, you fuckin fucks! Ha ha, it feels great to say that. Anyways, that is my excuse... but that is not the reason that I am here. I have bigger rants to get out.

 

But before I start that I have a confession to make.......... I AM GAY!!!!! No, not really, but I thought I would throw that out there, you know for shock value. Although there is nothing wrong with that. I have a few friends who..... well shall we say..... would give their left nut to be a stunt double in "Broke Back Mountain". No, my confession is rather more shocking than that, I have another blog on MSN Spaces! Yes, another Spaces blog, one that is totally unlike anything that I have done before. It is the anti-rant blog for this. You see, I figured for my own sanity I needed a Space to celebrate our successes as a species. Hell we ain't all that bad, and I needed to convey that, for myself as well as the rest of Blogdom. You can check it out here at http://spaces.msn.com/gurushaggyinbalance/, so enjoy. But now, I can hold back no longer, IT IS TIME TO RANT BAAAY BEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  So here we go.

 

Un.for.tu.nate n--adj. 1. Not lucky; having bad luck. 2. not suitable; not fitting; the child's outburst of temper was an unfortunate thing for the guest to see. -n. an unfortunate person.

 

Seems like a pretty straight forward word, we have all used it many times in the past. It occurs in our everday conversations about town, at work, watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Hell, even our very own Prime Minister, Stiffhand Humper, used it. Well, maybe he should OPEN A FUCKING DICTIONARY AND LOOK UP THE FUCKING MEANING!!! Obviously he needs to infuse some money into education so that future Prime Ministers can use our language appropriately after his latest statement.

 

Stiffhand Humper said that the air raid in the Afghanistan village of Azizi on Monday, May 22nd, that killed a minimum of 16 civilians was "unfortunate". UNFORTUNATE? UNFORTUNATE?! Unfortunate is locking your fucking keys in your SUV during a rain storm, holding your groceries. Unfortunate is the fact that the Calgary Flames didn't make it very far in the playoffs this year. HOW IN THE FUCK IS THE DEATHS OF 16 INNOCENT PEOPLE AT THE HANDS OF "MILITARY MASTERS" UNFORTUNATE!. Yeah, well fuck you too, 911 was unfortunate then as well, so was the death of Pope John Paul II. This just goes to show how much respect for life our "National Leaders of the Free World" have for the lives of those not in our country, or those that serve, or live in our country for that matter!

 

I could not believe what I read when I saw that statement. He admits to saying that it won't help the Canadian troops in bringing stability to Afghanistan. Hmmmm..... well that is unfortunate! Ha, see what I did there! HA HA. Fucking jackass Humper probably wouldn't get it, fucking butt wad!

 

Here we are, still in this country, trying to bring stability to this nation! Yeah right, that would be like trying to get the 3 Stooges into a group hug without poking each other in the eyes, or whacking one another with a hammer! It can't be done, and why the fuck are we still trying? Come on, bring these troops home, before more unfortunate things happen. I trust the American War Machine about as far as I can chuck an 80 gallon drum of oil! They have very little respect for the lives of others and we are being tainted with every action that they execute!

 

The Americans are standing behind their decision of bombing the village, as there were Taliban insurgents there. Well La-Dee-Fucking-Da! They said it was the Talibans fault for going into the village to seek refuge, and thus had to bomb it! Hmmmmm, their fault hey? How about trying this on for size...... "HOLD YOUR FIRE" Come on, if you know there are innocent people there why give the order to drop the bombs, why not go in from the ground and take them out that way? Why, cuz they don't give to hershey squirts for these poor innocent villagers, that's why!

 

K, how about the next time there is a bank robbery in progress we just fire a fucking rocket through the plate glass window and fuck em all up? Every time there is a 7-11 clerk and a pregnant lady buying some Virginia Slims and a 40 of Vodka being held by a Meth addicted, knife wielding 12 year old, we just toss a grenade in and blame it on the criminal. Fuck, makes perfect sense to me! Save a fucking bundle on court costs as well as make the paper work much easier. I can just see Constable Doe Nuts notes now..... 14 year old car jacked an SUV with triplet infants inside........ Used RPG to end situation..... blamed 14 year old for deaths of "unfortunate" infants..... went to Timmy's for coffee and jelly filled donut. Case closed.

 

So how unfortunate is all of this? Well you are bright individuals you can make that decision all on your own. It is unfortunate that we all have to be repeatedly barraged with this Bull Shit, day in and day out. No, that is not true..... if you look at the defintition of unfortunate. Unfortunate would be me stuffing page 1227 of my dictionary down Stiffhand Humpers gullet and punching him in the throat! The unfortunate part being me needing another dictionary for my next blog and not knowing how to spell unguent, which I may need to use when I rant about the next sore on my ass!

 

Fuck it I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Your Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

 

Be sure to check out my other blog if you want some happier news.

Hello fellow parasites,

 

I guess I must be on a roll here, cuz I have updated more times this month than I have written since my return to Spaces. Today's topic is a wake up call to a tragedy that has been unfolding for 40 years. It is the civil unrest, genocide and slavery in the Sudan.

 

Recently there has been a fair amount of media coverage in this area in regards to the "ethnic cleansing" that has been going on in the Sudan region known as Darfur. I personally have been following the goings on in this country for a number of years now. It is only now that the typically "business oriented" mainsteam media is now shedding light on this countires atrocities.

 

As reported in the mainstream media, there has been an estimated 200,000 people dead in this African region due to the war and indirectly because of starvation and a lack of basic needs. As well an additional 200,000+ people have fled into the neighbouring country of Chad, shich is now feeling the pressure of the insurgents that have been invading Darfur and the people here are soon to fall victim to disease and further starvation. The sudan government is allegedly involved in these attacks, and of course are denying it like the chicken shits that they are.

 

This is nothing new for this region. There has been unrest in the Sudan for many years, the last 40 to be exact. Alot of it is a religious war that has seperated the Northern and Southern areas of the Sudan. The Northern area, which is primarily of the Muslim faith, has been selectively murdering, enslaving and holding for ransom, the Southern Sudanese people who are of the Animist and Christian faith. Women and children are held for ransom by the Northern Sudan militants and are held until enough money can be scraped up to buy there release. Others are murdered, enmasse, so the genocide has been going on for quite sometime. Further more, the militants from the North have had a helping hand in this sadistic fucking senseless killing spree. Big Business has had a hand in this war for quite some time, which really should not shock any of you. Certain Oil companies, one of them being the Canadian owned Talisman Energy Inc. (which I am happy to report has now pulled it's operations out of the Sudan, only after much public outcry), have been paying these killers for allowing them to drill and survey their lands. Which has in turn allowed the Northern Sudan Genocidal Maniacs to buy more arms and explosives to make their murder hunt even easier.

 

You see, fellow parasites, the war is basically one sided. In the North you have the "Corporately funded" Sudanese army, with all the latest gizmos and gadgets that make killing fun and easy. Then to the South you have the Nomadic and Agricultural based people, with no more than a pitch fork and shovel as a defence. Talk about your one sided fight!

 

How can a government, no fuck that, how can anyone in that country allow this to go on. Not to mention that, with the UN and all the other Peace Keeping outfits out there, how has this senseless genocide been allowed to continue for 40 years! The recent conflicts in Darfur are just a drop in the fucking bucket when it comes to the amount of people being killed in this country. We are just sitting on our fucking collective asses and watching it all unfold. Why hasn't the main stream media picked up this story until now?

 

Here we are, American troops in Iraq trying to hold together a country that they illegaly invaded, we have our own soldiers in Afghanistan doing their bit needlessly dying to hold the peace there. We need to address this fucking moral disaster NOW! Do whatever you have to do to end the slaughters! I for one will publicly applaud the first government that sends their troops in and dispenses some fucking justice. Overthrow the Sudanese Government, if you can even call it that! They are obviously either not in control of their country, or behind the whole fiasco! I'm betting on the latter myself.

 

We are supposed to be a world that is heading towards peace, freedom and democracy for all, but when I see this shit I disagree. Especially when all I hear is excuses when it comes to why we can't help. The Right Dorkable Stiffhand Humper, and Dubya, have given us a sob story about how they are stretched to thin. Well, when you illegaly invade another country and they resist WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT?! Russia can't help either, they are to concerned about their own borders at the moment and due to a failing economy can't really help anyway. Fuck the Brits, they only do what there Bum Buddy Americans want to do anyway. Are we going to have another Rawanda on our hands? I say yes, because it is already to late, it was to late before the bastards entered Darfur!

 

SO it looks like it is up to me to end this. I am going to send out a call to arms to every fucking redneck in Canada and the U.S. that have a deer rifle (registered or unregistered, I don't give a fuck), and a moral concience, to join me in invading the Sudan. Let's kick ass and chew bubble gum people! We'll take there government easy. We can use the guise that we are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolies' enterage and we are scoping out new locations for their causes. Of course we will have to bribe them, cuz money talks. Then while thier filthy bloody hands are counting the money (I'll have to borrow yours, cuz I got none, you'll get it back I promise), we will slit their fucking throats! I have no qualms of dispensing eye for an eye justice such as this. Especially when this shit has gone on long enough!

 

So who's with me?!

 

Oh yeah, and when we are finsihed there. Why stop now? Might as well over throw our own governments as well! Then we can bring these Corporate Fucks up on War Crimes for having there Dirty Rotten FIlthy Stinkin Rich hands in the mix as well.  I think we should make Dick Chaney, of Haliburton fame, Saddam Hussein's bunk bitch!

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide

Hello fellow parasites,

 

O.k., totally not true to form I am going to post another blog, breaking my usual 16 day cycle. I have to get this off of my chest though. Hurrah, for Stephen Harper and his miracle resolution to the long outstanding softwood lumber dispute! Pffft..... fuck what ever! Any jackass with a little time and an internet connection..... or a good memory (I have the former cuz the latter went years ago), can figure out that we have been sold out and strung along. Not to mention that, the Fucker lied to us, true to any politicians form.

 

Back when Harper was campaigning for the prestigous position of Prime Minister of Canada (this is where the internet connection or the good memory comes in to play), he vowed, promised what the fuck ever he did, that he would see an end to the soft wood lumber dispute. Also he swore that all monies that were collected by the ILLEGAL tarrifs that the Americans had taken would be returned to the mills within Canada. Every God Damned red fucking cent. No excuses, this would happen. ALL 5 BILLION DOLLARS WOULD BE RETURNED TO THE RIGHTFUL PARTIES!!!

 

Hmm, magic fingers, let's see what happened here in the last week or so, WOW, he resolved the issue! Or did he? No he bloody well did not! Only 4 billion of the 5 billion dollars will be returned to the Canadian wood product producers, what happens to the other billion you may ask? Who the fuck knows, administration fees maybe, or maybe it was a bribe to keep Bush from invading Canada to get our oil. Oh wait, all those Haliburton trucks I see out and about already answer that question, he already has our oil, never mind, silly me.

 

So 80% of the ILLEGALY taken tariffs are being returned, sounds like a good deal hey? Well read the BIG LETTERS PEOPLE!!! IT WAS ILLEGALY TAKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Taken without legal ownership! It was illegal because 3 times it was ruled by two governing bodies that it was illegal, those being the WTO and the NAFTA panels. Both organizations ruled in Canada's favour that the tariffs were illegal and that all monies collected by said illegal tarriffs should be returned to the Canadian business owners.

 

No how is that a victory? Fuck! It makes me want to rob a bank and cut my own deal, if I can steal alot of money from a bank and only return 80%, when I get out I will still be a rich rich man. What kind of fucking system allows the ruling of these bodies to be ignored totally? It would be the same system that has allowd this to happen for the last 217 FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah that is a big number isn't it? But that is EXACTLY how long that this war has been going on! I'll say it again 217 FUCKING YEARS. It doesn't take a jackalope with a P.H.D. to figure out that we have to be looking at all this in a different light. In the last 217 FUCKING YEARS the U.S. has imposed tariffs on our lumber 30 TIMES, the last 4 times have occured over the last 20 years!!!! The last 6 years have been a drop in the bucket!

 

Now on to what else the Honorable (fuck I hate tho say that) Stephen Harper had resolved in his deal with the U.S. Oh, right on! An end to future tariffs! Good one Harper! Yah saved the day, you FUCKIN ROCK DUDE!!!!! FINALLY!!!! Oh, wait, what is this...... there is a catch? Get the fuck outta here, how could there be a catch. Oh, I see, there is always a catch when money is involved... silly me. If the price of lumber stays above a certain price there will be no more tariffs. Oh, and if the price goes even lower than the first price then the tarrifs will be even higher again? GEEEEE ZUZZZZ, that doesn't sound so good to me. The new tariffs, oops sorry the new "export tax" (a rose is a rose people, come on!), would be at the most 15% which if I am not a total moron, which I totally am not (just partially), that is the exact same percentage that they been charging when it was an ILLEGAL TARRIF!

 

NOW HOW THE FUCK IS THIS ANY BETTER?!!!!!!! Sure the price of lumber is good right now all because Bush loves dropping bombs on foreign soil, and rebuilding said foreign soil, as well as the U.S. getting it's Karma back in the form of hurrincanes, floods, mud slides and fires. So there is a huge demand for lumber right now,. How convenient that Bush strikes this deal whe he needs us most.What happens when the U.S. elects another Prsident who isn't an armadillo humping, button pushing psycho path, and there is no longer a big need for lumber. I guess the old supply and demand formula will kick into action and the price will go down. Well la-de-fucking-da, aren't we back at square one again? Won't we have another illegal tarrif disguised as an "export tax" on our hands. Their prediction says that this will bring approximately 10 years of trouble free trade. Well I say, WILL IT TAKE ANOTHER 217 FUCKING YEARS TO GET IT RIGHT?!!!!!

 

All the Right Dorkable (I like the sound of that better) Stiffhand Humper, has suceeded in doing is stalling the inevitable robbing of Canadian Dollars once again, for approximately 10 years at that. When we have been fighting this whole thing for hundreds of years it hardly seems worth it. What we need to do is drop the U.S. from our fucking customer call list and let 'em fucking build mud huts or something. We can supply the other growing nations, like China, India etc. and be done with those Fucking Thieves to the South. Big Brother in the South has been robbing our piggy banks for far to long. It's time we put a stop to it.

 

If you want to read a good magazine that tells the whole history then click here, it is the best literature by far explaining this long time feud. It won the C.A.L.M. (Canadian Association of Labour Media) award for best themed newsletter in 2004. I am a little biased here, as I did all the layout and cover art for it, and my colleague (an even better story teller than myself) did all the editing and writing. Check it out if you have the time. You will need to have ACROBAT Reader to view it, but if you don't have that then you don't own a computer.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

 

Your Spiritual Ass Kicking Guide