Guru Shaggy, spiritual butt kicker

Greetings Fellow Parasites;

 

What a completely underated album by a completely underated band... Good old fashioned beautiful rock and roll....

 

It has been an aeon since I last updated, a lot has happened! I have grown and gone through a lot of changes, both mentally and spiritually. Am I still the raging, angst filled 30 something with an axe to grind?! Fuck yeah!! Do I still want to be World President and have complete control of everyone and everything.... FUCK YEAH!!! But, what has changed is how I deal with all of this on the inside, and the insights I have developed in regards to mankind and our parasitic ways...

 

This is just a short hello to all, I am still alive... Still kickin', still crazy... I will be updating soon... Well, sooner than I have been. Just after I go on my spirit walk... Keep your eyes and ears peeled in August... I will have tonnes of new stuff on here around then!!!

 

Til then!

 

Fuck it. I'm done!!!

 

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

Greetings Fellow Parasites,

 

It was 6:19 am, June 2nd, I was coming home after what felt like one of my longest night shifts ever. I did not work particularily hard, and the night went by all right, but after a week off and it being my first night back it seemed to drag on. Never did I think that the rest of the morning would be even longer, it all took an hour, but it is an hour I know that I will not forget anytime soon. I witnessed an accident. A drunk driver, after almost rearending me, did not navigate a curve and my morning was thrust into chaos in a big cloud of dust, motor oil and blood. I will recant what happened now, with a typical rant after..... sit back and envision.

 

As, I was saying, I was driving home on this particular morning and thinking about what I was going to do this afternoon when I got up. The road home goes down into a bit of a ravine, crosses a bridge and goes back up again. This was when I saw him, the driver of a maroon colored sedan. He was coming up on my tail fast and was on my ass in an instant. As we came up the other side of the ravine he slowed down just a tad and then he speeds up almost like the STUPID FUCK is gonna ram me! He gets so close to my back bumper that I lose sight of his headlights entirely. I mean, this guy is fucking close, I don't think you could have fit a dollar bill between our bumpers. We made the top of the hill and as soon as we hit the crest he was gone! Passes me like I was driving the other way. I swore under my breath at the fuck bucket as he sped off into the distance. As he faded off into the horizon I watched as he weaved back and forth in our lane, sometimes crossing the center line a bit, sometime kicking dust up on the shoulder of the road nearly ditching the car........ and then he did.

 

I did not see it all happen, his car left my view because of his excessive speed, but the first person on the scene told me all that had happened. On that road it reaches a tee intersection, but before that intersection there is a sharp turn in the road that goes left, the speed limit goes from 100 km/h to 80 km/h and in the winter time it is always a bad spot when it gets icy. Well, jackoff decides at this moment that he will take a nap. Without even trying to turn, slow down, or anything remotely like trying to navigate a speeding mass of destruction he hits the ditch....... and he hit hard. I saw the dust cloud from a couple of kilometers back, the dust was thrown 50-60 feet in the air. Ball licker hit the ditch, from what I was told, doing at least 140+..... almost twice the posted limit. The front end hit the dirt and the car proceded to flip end over end about four times landing a good 100 yards from where he left the road. Meanwhile, with the booze and speed he completed the Retard Hat Trick by failing to wear his seat belt. During one of his flips he was either thrown through the rear window or passanger side window of the car and flipped along with his vehicle during one or two of his flips, his clothes got caught on the wreckage that was once a motor vehicle and it carried him for a flip before flinging him to the dirt. Car and "driver" roll to a stop........ and neither are in any state to be going anywhere under their own power.

 

From here I sped up to the location, knowing full well what had happened and an inkling as to what I may see at the scene. The first person on scene (Mike is what I'll call him, cuz... well.... that's his name) was already checking out the vehicle as it was smoking a bit from the aerobatics it was forced to endure. Meanwhile a woman (Stacy is what I'll call her, cuz... once again... that's her name) asked if I had a cell phone. Well, stupid me.... I forgot to bring it this day. Someone stops and calls 911 as the three of us check out Jizz Breath, he is unresponsive and is sounding like he is choking. Wait..... NO.... he is not choking..... THE LITTLE RAT BASTARD IS FUCKING SNORING!!!!!! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!! After being bounced around inside his car like a lard bellied pinball and ejected into the air, almost being crushed to death by 4500 pounds of metal and being slammed into the earth...... THE COCK SUCKER IS SOUND ASLEEP, AND REAKING OF BEER!!!!!!

 

Meanwhile, the woman who stops suggests that we roll him over on his side. Well, it has been a few years since I had taken First Aid, and never using it in a situation quite like this, I was confident that we should just let Sleeping Fuck Nut the way he is.... he is breathing normally and not knowing if he had a broken neck or back it was best to leave him there. We start to do a preliminary check to see what some of the obvious injuries might be. Much to our delight (sarcasm folks), the left side of his face and head are bleeding excessively, we are pretty confident that he has at least suffered some sort of fracture to his skull, and his left eye is severly swollen and bloody. Yep, we will leave him lie where he is. In the meantime the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police for those who don't know the acronym) arrive and take over the scene. The female officer, with some coaxing, gets a response from Jerk Wad. Ambulances show up, blah, blah, blah.... Eventually they had him wrapped up on a stretcher and he was airlifted on the spot to the nearest hospital in Edmonton. Myself and Mike are then put into one of the Police Crusiers (man I can remember how much I hated being in the back of those things) and we proceded to give our statements of what happened into a digital recorder. At this point I am more concerned about being eaten alive by mosquitos and contracting West Nile than about what is happening to Shit Munch. All I remember feeling about the whole thing is how I did not have any concern for his well being, I hoped he was in pain, and how FUCKING ANGRY I was at this piece of shit! I fucking despised him, could have cared less and would have felt no remorse if he died on the spot...... one less tainted sperm donor in the world.

 

You see, I could never do the job of Police person, or Ambulance Attendant..... I could not come to a scene and conciously help these kinds of people. I would simply let them die, let them die on the spot so as that they can no longer put other people in harms way. Charging these amoral fuck faces does little to change their ways. Time and time again these "people" repeat the offence. Yes, I know, alcohol and drug addiction is a disease... one of the mind, you don't have to tell me that. Some diseases are better off to let them run their course so as that the effects do not harm others. Knob Gobbler did more than hurt himself when he made the decision to get behind the wheel that morning. He hurt all of us that were involved in the whole ordeal. The results did not just end there for all of us. We had to sit back and watch what was taking place, not being allowed to leave the scene of an "accident" subjects people to things that we are not wired to process. All that morning, as I lay in bed trying to sleep from my night shift, I saw flashes of what my eyes saw..... the car nearly rear ending me..... the swerving back and forth along the road.... the dirt kicking up 50 to 60 feet up in the air..... the mangled face and wreckage of both man and machine, it all stayed with me. Over the past few days I still see it during quiet moments when I allow my mind to wander, every time I drive through that ravine or approach that corner I see the images. I think about the guy that saw it all happen.... the flips in the air that the car took.... the body being tossed out of the acrobatic sedan...... being the only person on the scene wondering what to do and how to get help... wondering how long until someone else will get there to help take the burden of watching over this gut sack. Both of us are changed forever for having witnessed this act of selfish self indulgence.

 

The torment does not end there. Other peoples lives are interupted as well. The hospital now has to slot this useless shit stain ahead of other more worthy people in the emergency room. Doctors and nurses have to attend to the grotesque injuries this man sustained. We have to use valuable resource dollars to patch this thick headed oaf back together, plus all that entails for rehabilitation. Then there is the court costs and time to charge, try and process this cock knocker. Not to mention that myself and the other gentleman will have to appear in court if in the event this Fag decides to contest the charges. The domino affect of this one tragedy does not ever end at the scene.... it goes on for months and even years. He is better off dead, I wish he was.... cruel or not I really don't give to squirts of piss in a rusty bucket..... society is just better off without him. I don't care to know this little bastards name, it is of no interest to me....... to me he will remain nameless, for to name a thing like this means that it exists..... and to me, after what happened.... this "person" does not exist. Once I am all done with the court appearance(s) I hope to wash the memory away....... but the images I am afraid will always be there.

 

So this is why I ask. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE STILL DO THIS????!!!!! I mean for fuck sakes, this is 2007 not 1957!!!! We all know better than to drive drunk. The signs and ads are EVERYWHERE, we are well educated as to why this just should not happen! How many people have to die until we say that enough is enough and we do some real justice on these offenders?! How can a person make the decision to drive home after a night of intense partying....... I mean this guy, and to many countless others actually justify their actions.  I mean Cock Junkie couldn't even stay awake during mid crash..... how fucked up would he have to be to say "Fuck, maybe I'm to fucked up to drive..... I should crash here" Time and time again we see footage on the television and items in the paper where alcohol and/or drugs were a factor in motor vehicle fatalities....... Some day, and soon, we have to just shoot the Testes Tuggers in the fuckin' head if it looks like they will survive the ordeal on their own, and if it looks like they will parish on the spot with no help...... save the bullet and the bandaids because it just isn't worth it. Anyone can try and justify the rights to a fair trial in cases like these, but as far as I am concerned you would have to be just as fucked in the melon to even think of defending these scourges of the road. Until that day comes...... DUI, thanks for the memories...... I hope you never forget.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

Greetings Fellow Parasites,

 

Well folks, here it is.... our back yard. Certainly a beautiful setup and we were most pleased once everything came into full bloom. We have a beautiful cherry tree that exploded with blooms... we are not sure if the cherries are edible or not but we'll see. We also have two lilac bushes that are budding very nicely. We sit on the patio and the whole air has such a soothing perfume to it, it completely takes over your olifactory senses. Enjoy the picks as I gear up for a very personal rant that will come next.

 

Fuck it, I'm done!

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Spiritual Ass Kicker of Souls

 

 

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

I figured that to inject some humor onto these dark, dank, sometimes depressing pages, I would enlighten you all in some Guru Shaggy motivational work mottos, these are some of the quips that I usually say at the end of a long shift at the plant and is used to lighten the atmosphere after what may have been a very frustrating and general shitty assed day, if you have a dirty mind.... I am sure you will find some humor in all of this.. I dismissed my other two Spaces as I needed to downsize things a bit due to time constraints..... so everythig that I have to say, will be said here from now on.

 

With that said, I will enlighten you with some of my favorite quips that I a have created, bear in mind these are not in anyway true statements, nor are they set out to offend. Enjoy what I enjoy calling..... Well, as the old lady always says......

 

 

 

........that's the end of a long hard one.

 

........now you can leave me alone, I've done what you paid me to do.

 

.........next time we do something like that, I think I'll stretch first.

 

........how about the next time, I run the tools.

 

........that would have been better if I was still drunk.

 

.......I think we need more hand cream next time.

 

.......if that was supposed to be pleasure..... I'd hate to see pain.

 

.......sometimes gettin' dirty is what it's all about.

 

......that wouldn't have hurt so much if you knew what you were doing.

 

......I think in the future..... we should invite some one else to give us a hand.

 

......good thing I remebered the safe word.

 

......once again, I do all the work, and you stand there not knowing what to do.

 

......wow, that was quick, I hardly felt a thing.

 

......last time I checked, we broke a few laws tonight.

 

Fuck it, I'm done.

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy

Greetings fellow parasites,

 

It has finally started to warm up here in the Northern parts of North America, the trees are budding and the grass is starting to green again. Only a few areas still have snow in them a little closer to the mountains and deep in the bush where the sun has a hard time penetrating......... sorry my mind hit the gutter there for a moment, lol. The standard joke around here was "What the hell do they mean we are suffering from global warming, how about sending some our way.", we were all saying that because of an abmnormally cold and snowy spring. Winter did not seem to want to give up its grasp and die so the area could be reborn. Although many of us fail to realize that even though we had a longer than normal winter, it was actually quite mild temperature wise. Comparing our winters now for the last 10 years and one realizes that it has been more than a decade since we have had ample snow fall and the extreme cold that was once great for snow mobiling and other winter pursuits.

 

Then there is the never ending media coverage about "global warming" and the need to go green. Canada has a new and hip green slogan, FLICK OFF, catchy with its similarity to one of life greatest explatives FUCK OFF. Other parts to the program is Go FLICK YOURSELF as well as other well thought out slogan that gear themselves to getting the next generations on to the global bandwagon. More and more we are seeing the initiatives of our governments turning more towards saving the planet. The US and Canadian governments are stressing the needs to reduce green house gas emissions, the need for alternate fuels and watching the very far North to see what the hell is going on with the polar bears. All winter long I watched the news and countless exposes on the North West Passage and the Arctic regions. Every night on the local news there is the reports on what the Feds are up to to hault global warming and meet there commitment to the Kyoto Accord. It was with all of this heightened media coverage that I begun to wonder........... How much are they really telling us, and what DON'T we know?

 

As it has always been with government, they institute change once it is to late, whether if it is change in spending and the budget, or a piece of legislation geared towards making our lives safer. They usually try to turn the ship around well after it has hit the reef in most regards. They are working hard on it too, even with an oil loving president, the U.S. is pushing hard on the bio-diesel initiatives. I have been getting the sneaking suspicion that we are all already fucked. I get this nagging feeling that it is already to late, the damage is done and to repair the damage done would be a total..... to use a geek term........ format and reinstall of our environment. Personally I think the government, and the people for that matter as we are to blame, are just trying in vain to turn the ship around without actually letting us in the general public know that the end is near, or at least we are in for some big time change and struggle. If any of you have watched movies with the dooms day scenario you will know exactly what I am talking about. Movies like Armageddon, Deep Impact and The Day After Tomorrow all have one common theme, the government was hiding the fact, or couldn't accept the fact that the devestation was near, and to prevent wide spread panic and chaos they held the truth from the people. That is the feeling that I am getting here. Now I don't believe that the end is upon us like in the movies, I think we have more time than a couple of days or months, but I truly do believe that we are fucked.

 

As well, I do not believe that this is going to spell the disaster of the human race and all that lives on our great planet, at least I feel this way if the government is really serious about making change. I do however believe that the easy life, that we as North Americans, Europeans and everyone else in the developed nations have grown to love, is now coming to a close. What we once took for granted is going to be a struggle to maintain, everything that we thought was a right will soon become a costly need. I saw a few reports on the news about Australia, and Kat can atest to this, that the initiatives that the Aussies have put forth to conserve and reuse water are working and necessary to live because of the droughts that they have been having. They are miles ahead of us in preparing for the worst that is yet to come. We will all be fighting the fear and looking back in shame at the signs we ignored earlier when all of the streams start to dry up and our fresh water supply for the interior of the country gets dried up and North America becomes a dry desolate place and agriculture becomes an almost futile endeavour.

 

Does this mean that we should all give up....... HELL NO, we are a species of survival, somewhat selfish in our survival, but we are programmed to survive none the less. Just do what you can to help out the cause, what does it really hurt, replacing light bulbs is something we all have to do, so go energy efficient. Conserving water is a little tougher but it can be done and not all that costly either. Walking, big news flash, is actually good for you, and if you are not going across the city or carrying a butt load of groceries, then walk to your destinations..... hell I don't know one person that couldn't stand to use a little exercise. These are just my views, they could be wrong..... which would shockingly be a first, and it could be that I just have a little to much time on my hands and my mind is playing tricks on me. Whatever the case may be, be cautious of what you hear and always ask........ How much do we really know.

 

Fuck it, I'm done.

 

Cheers!

Guru Shaggy